National "TV Turnoff Week"

In an attempt to promote this glorious week where we are supposed to take a journey of self discovery and try something new, TV Turnoff Week, I thought I would make a quick note.

If you live in New Mexico and happen to think you see me invading your TV set during a UPS Store commercial, don't fret or get concerned. It is no doppleganger. Fortunately or otherwise, that is me playing the boss in the advertisement. I haven't seen it yet and more then likely will never see it as it plays (I will have a copy on DVD) because it will be playing only on Comcast and Cableone cable in New Mexico. If you live in New Mexico and have one of these cable providers, then you might catch it if you watch your basic cable channels (like CNN or ESPN).

Anyway...I thought I'd let you know so you are not surprised. That way you can laugh with me, not at me.

And the Oscar for best tobbaconist goes to...

Wait a second. Did he just say tobacconist!?!? What the hell does he mean. Well my smoking jacket wearing friends, let me tell you. This weekend I was lucky enough to get to work on a wonderful short film here in Roswell, New Mexico, USA. I was brought on as an acting coach and worked with the director and actors to help the acting stay as close to the directors intention as possible.

But a funny thing happened on the movie set. One of the characters in the movie was required to smoke a ciggarette and then flick it at the camera. Problem was...he never even held a cancer stick before, let alone tossed one. So, as the guy outside smoking, I was naturally asked to become the smoking coach. During the shoot, we went through more then a pack of ciggarettes trying to film a scene that will probably end up about 2 minutes max on the screen.

I don't know how many films hire a tobacconist, and I am sure I am not the first, but, I have to say, it is the pinnacle of my movie career to date. Give me my Oscar, you Hollywood curs!!!

A good thing?

Recently, I was talked into getting a myspace account. For those of you who may not know what myspace is, it is a place on the web for people to show that they have friends, make business connections, find dates, or just plain screw around. Well...I pretty much don't bother with stuff like that, but because it seemed so many people I knew were up and running there, I figured what the hay.

As a big surprise to me, I quickly realized a wonderful thing about it; you can be reconnected with people you haven't heard from in forever (this might not always be a good thing). I had a chance to talk to an old friend of mine who I haven't been able to contact in years. So now I am a believer. The rest of it still seems kind of goofy to me, with the only other benefit so far being reading the rants and oddities from a certain friend of this blog who shall remain nameless.

Have a good weekend

Alaska

As this semester winds down, I have started giving some thought to what I should do with some of my vacation time this year. The one thing that keeps popping in my mind is Alaska: more specifically, an Alaskan cruise. I have been out there before, but never on a ship.

I have been doing some research on it for the last couple of weeks and have found incredably cheap cruises in the latter part of May. The only problem is that the prices are based on double occupancy. The cost for one person to go is about the same as two.

So my first question is, any of y'all wanna go to Alaska with me in May? A 7 night all inclusive (except airfare) is as cheap as 700 bucks! Don't get me wrong, I can find someone to go with, but I want to have fun. Let me explain. There are certain women that I could get to go, but, and sorry if any of you are reading this, I don't want it to be a romantic trip...i.e. I don't want to have that kind of expectation/pressure on my vacation. I want to go and just enjoy the hell out of it.

Anyway, I figured I would throw that out there today. I might go regardless, but it sure be a hoot to go with a friend willing to chill out, eat good food and ride the waves for a week.

We're 100!

O, do not forsake me, my indolent friends
O, do not forsake me though you know I must spend
All my darkest hours talking like this
For I am one hundred posts* old

One hundred posts old
Sure, you think that's old
One hundred posts old
But what do you know?
In my darkest hour I'm talking like this
For I am one hundred posts old

Oh, some have forgotten the flower of speech
And walks through the garden where I go to defend
Misbegotten notions while talking like this
For I am one hundred posts old

One hundred posts old
Sure, I'd say that's old
One hundred posts old
But what do I know?
In your darkest hour, my indolent friends
We'll be one hundred posts old

*lyrics are from They Might Be Giants song Do Not Forsake Me with one hundred posts being substituted for one thousand years. Now go buy a TMBG CD!!!!

So yes, All's Well That's Roswell turns 100 post old today, so raise your glass and reflect on the great times we've had through 100. Ah the memories...

The coffee talk
The music reviews and discussion
Gettysburgh and Billy the Kid
Tivo and Me
Batman driving in JFK''s car
The cigarettes
The comics and comic movie reviews
The tick quiz (part one)
The Vinagarones, scorpions in bathtubs, tarantula's, etc...
The Zombies
The cries for help
The Some Don't
Chile Cheese Festivals
The Aliens, oh the aliens!
The dragonflies
The Yankees and Cowboys hate mongering
The Staple Gun
The Klingons get married
The Importance of Being Earnest
The Exploding toilets of Las Cruces
The non-existant evil in the world and why you don't have to sell your soul to the devil
The space catapult
and especially the great comments from those of you who take the time out of your busy schedule to take a peek at whatever ridicolousness I might throw out there. Thanks. Here comes the next 100!

If it's broke, fix it!

Allrighty, back in Roswell again. This time after being stuck in Dallas for a day and a half extra because my Sunday evening flight was cancelled. Reason: The plane was broken. That was the only technical reasoning we were afforded as we were asked to leave the plane. Of course it was the last flight that evening and I couldn't get a flight early enough on Monday to get to Lubbock and drive home in time for work, so, I just got home.

Airports, don't you just love 'em?!!? And the best part is, they wouldn't give me back my luggage unless I cancelled the flight and bought a new ticket. I still don't get that. All I know is that for the second time in two trips I ended up having to buy some clothing.

Anyway...I wanted to send out a big thank you to all of you who listened to Nick, Anthony and I on Saturday night. I have received some responses that you can read from the last post and also some interesting e-mails not listed here. Hopefully you enjoyed the music.

That's it for now. I have enough paper work stacked here to keep me busy till my next trip.

Live and in studio

Saturday, April 8th between 10-12pm (central time), that's 11-1:00 east coast, Nick, Anthony and I will be playing 2 live 30 minute sets on UT radio. It is a thrill for me, as always, to get a chance to play with Nick and Anthony, but this is even better because it will be broadcasted live over the internet as well. That means all of my friends, family and relations can listen to one of our shows at the same time no matter what town you are in! Just go to the link and click on the bandwidth you wish to listen at and enjoy! Just as a disclaimer, the radio show is called "Cocked in the barrel" and it is a rap show. As most of you know, rap is not what we do, so you'll have to go through some stuff you might not like in order to get to us, but it'll be worth it.

Aye, only in Scotland

Ok, it's an unusual topic for a post, but for the last day or so I have been thinking about Scotland. No, I'm not thinking of heading out there anytime soon (though it is on the list), but I ran across an interesting article the other day that keeps popping in my head.

It seems that scientists in Scotland have received a boatload of dinero to fund research on a revolutionary form of space transportation. I know, we all have been waiting on some giant breakthrough in teleportation technology or worm-hole discovery, but alas, no, this aint like that. No, the scientists in Scotland are not looking into the future of technology, but rather a blast from the past (so to speak). They are working on a catapult. That's right, a catapult big and strong enough to send supplies to the moon! I'm shocked the boys at MIT and NASA haven't come up with this one yet, but if I was gonna guess where in the world someone would try to build the Apollo Sligshot (my name not theirs), it would be Scotland.

Now don't get me wrong, I have never been comfortable with the modes of transportation we have for ourselves. I'm not to keen on the fact that we pretty much drive around in, or worse, are flown around in what are pretty much large passenger carrying bombs, but putting me in a giant rubberband and sending me off to work, vacation or godforbid the moon!?!? Don't hold your breath (unless going to the moon...then hold your breath when leaving orbit).

After some serious thought on the space catapult idea, I started wondering about other, more practical, applications for this machine:

1. Banishment: While banishing our criminals/enemies is not as big a thing as it was in previous centuries, the catapult would be a great way to deliver this punishment (pun intended). Of course these things would be aired on the telly for all of us to enjoy. Just think of how great it would have been to turn on CNN and see Saddam get placed in the catapult right in front of his toppled statue in Iraq. They could have had a small child holding her favorite us commissioned Teddy Bear cut the cord and we could have seen the masses of Iraqis cheer and dance for joy. That would have been a sight.

2. Food Delivery: No, not Papa John's or Chinese food silly, but food sent to people in needy countries that we would like to help, but just really don't want to visit. How more humanitarian can you get? We could just load the catapult up, do the math for trajectory and let her rip. The food would fly over land and sea and there would be food for everyone. Never again would we hear arguments against helping these people. No real man-hours, no cost transportation or fuel and the best part would be nobody ever having to say thank you.

3. Military: Now you didn't think I would forget what if anything the catapult would really be used for, did ya? Of course not; if anything, I am a realist. I know they are not going to banish people with the catapult! Nobody would want to clean up the mess! And of course I realize we would never really use it to send food across the world. Where's the profit in that. The real use? The one and only use would be as a weapon. Yes...what the catapult was made for! But with this new super-slinger, just imagine what we could do. How about loading up the thing with thumb tacks and sending them off to Paris? That would stop the demonstrations on the streets. Imagine hundreds of thousands of thumbtacks falling from the sky on to unsuspecting Parisians! Or, we could load it up bombs and mines that would explode on contact. Think about it...we spend billions of dollars a year for this kind of stuff and most of the money is spent on deployment. Now we won't need to.

4. Pizza and cheesesteaks. I kid you not. Pack that pizza up and send it my way. Point that thing towards Roswell, Nm, USA and send me something from Angelos or La Fornos will ya!?!?

Of course there are thousands of other unique applications for a machine of this nature, but I think what I have here is more than enough to show a need.

Back in the saddle again

Hey folks. Just thought I'd send an not-to-insightful post to let everyone know I am back from my travels. I went to the CCCC conference in Chicago a couple of weeks ago and then on to Philadelphia for a few busy days of relaxations.

The conference was great fun. Not only did I get a chance to be put off by what many of my collegues around the country are doing in their classes and what great ideas they have for the future, but, I also got a chance to see some old friends and catch up. Chicago is a great city. I would love to be able to spend more then 3 days there.

Philly was fun too, but not enough time to see everybody! Hopefully this summer will afford me the opportunity to see some of my philly area people I miss when I only have a few days. The trip was started with aggrevation though as the airline lost my luggage for a couple of days. I had to get some clothes which in the long run isn't a bad thing. But the rest of the philly time was great.

Back here in Roswell, I had a good night's sleep and am bright eyed and bushy tailed at work. Of course, someone (I won't mention Doc Bender's name here) left a giant rubber spider on my door which scared me (it was dark!), but nothing else too exciting in the 24 hours I have been home.

The Importance of Being Earnest...

Well...my life just got a little busier today. I got some great news. I have been approved for funding and have secured and confirmed all the dates, and it looks like Eastern New Mexico University-Roswell is going to have the first step to a theater program.

My proposal to direct Oscar Wilde's "The importance of Being Earnest" has gone through and I couldn't be happier. That's the good news. The bad news: my life just got turned upside down. Between teaching five classes and directing a play, who knows when I'll have time to sleep or eat. But that goes along with the territory I suppose. I do think theater is a vital part of any community and I am happy to be one of the people who will hopefully make something of it here.

We do have the Roswell Little Theater here in Roswell and I hope to form a healthy, amicable relationship with them. I plan to work with them as much as they are willing to; there is no reason for competition. The more options of things to do in this town the better! And if it all goes as planned, its the beginning of great things to come.

Of course there is always a chance that it will fail miserably and this will be my swan song as a director, but hey, that's the chance you gotta take.

So, make your plans now: November 17-19, 2006. ENMU-R presents: "The Importance of Being Earnest". The first 20 out of towners to respond to this post will receive free tickets to all three performances and a beer. That's right, a beer!

Even Roswell...

every once in a while gets some press. Yesterday I had the pleasure of getting to hang out with Jimmy Santiago Baca for a bit (yes, smoking has its advantages...while everybody is inside, it was me and Jimmy shotting the shit outside). For those of you who might not know who he is, Baca is a poet, novelist and movie maker with more then 14 books to his credit and he made the film "Blood in, Blood out". He's taken in most of the awards there are to get in the field. So needless to say, getting him at our school to give a talk, reading and workshop was a pretty big deal for us.

Let me start my review of his visit by telling you how wonderful of a person Mr. Baca is. It is apparent from the things he does in his life that he cares. He is on the road, working with underprivileged kids, explaining to them why they matter and how poetry matters. He himself has had a tough time of it, spending a long time in prison (where he began to read and write). He has turned down prestigious positions to keep up his work (though he has taken some of them for a while to pay the bills). He has a few travelling companions who were once on the outside of societies graces as well, and who now are poets. That's right, thugs-r-us and we are poets too. How you like me now! Mr. Baca's peeps were as enthusiatic as he was and great to talk to. One of them, Jason Yorcic, has recently got his first book published. I read it. It's not bad for a first book.

Anyway...enough of the ass-kissing. Here's my thought-provoking question of the day. Mr. Baca stresses experiencial writing; writing form experience. He says that's the only way to do it. My question is simple: Do poets like Baca and now Yorcic get the press and publications and awards because of their stories or their work? Does the fact that Baca has gone through so much make him a better poet? Or does it make him a sympathetic poet with a story worth hearing? I'm not sure what I think. I've read three of his books and I think they are okay. But, they speak to lots of people who love them and these are people who would usually scoff at any poetry. I actually have a lot more to say on the subject, but I am more interested in what y'all think.

Any thoughts?

Ouch...that smarts!!!

Monday. Monday. I hope all of your weekends went splendidly. Mine, well, let's just say not so great. Most of the weekend I spent grading papers and entering mid-term grades. Thank goodness that is finished.

But the weekend kicked off with a thud as I was a participant in the Knowledge Bowl. To get an idea of how it went, stick your index finger as far down your throat as you can. You'll know you are there when your plumbing starts going in reverse.

Yes, the Knowledge Bowl was that good. Let me just tell you, I suck. There are lots of excuses I could give (and I will), but the fact of the matter is that I was just no help. Out of a possible 90 questions asked in the three rounds our team was in, our team answered 21 correctly. Out of the 90, I would say only about 70 were answered correctly. 21 was not enough for us to advance to the finals. Of said 21 questions we got right, I correctly answered, hold on, let me count, oh yes, ZERO of them. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Goose Egg. Oh I looked good sure, with my Willie Nelson braids hanging down and my bandana around my head, but unfortunately I also was wearing his thinking cap. Hell, Willie probably would have gotten at least one question.

Now before you start thinking that the game was fixed, or that they only asked math questions, let me just say, it was fixed!!! They only asked Math questions!! No. not really. But, one of the problems is that evidently there is a study guide available on line (who knew) and many of the questions that were asked were directly from the study guide. Some of these people memorized the dang guide!! So they would ask a question "What French" BUZZ.. Answer: Costeau. That is correct. Next question. How can you compete with that. I wouldn't memorize the thing even if I knew it existed and had the time! So, many of the questions I might have known were answered before I knew the question!

Also, the answers bothered me. They would ask a poetry question and I would answer it correctly and they would tell me it wasn't the answer they were looking for. For instance, if they were to ask something like, "name one part of a book" and you said, "the cover", they would say, "I'm sorry, that's not the correct answer. The correct answer was "page". How frustrating is that!?!?!

Anyway, I better stop before my blood pressure goes through the roof. I'll just keep chanting my Lao Tzu mantra: Those who say do not know; those who know do not say...Those who say do not know; those who know do not say...Those who say do not know; those who know do not say...Those who say do not know; those who know do not say...

Much better.

Knowledge Bowl

Tonight I join an elite special task force specially selected to provide the answers to the seemingly unknowable in what is called: The Knowlegde Bowl.

Yes, our team, "The Willie Nelson Preservation Society", will be putting it all on the line as we battle other Grand Puppas in an intellectual bru-ha-ha. There's a rumble in Brighton tonight! Stand back! There's a hurricane coming! Not in the face! Not in the Face! Spoon!!!!

Why our team has that name, I do not know. What I do know is that somehow I got conned into getting braids and wearing a red bandana today. Will the Preservation Society have what it takes to defeat those who would snag our glory? Find out Monday in my next post titled: "Ouch That Smarts!" or "It gave me the Willies!" or "I got buzzed at the Knowledge Bowl"! Until then my fellow brainiacs, have a good weekend and don't be sniffing too much of the Einsteinium!

Misanthropic Poetica

In the last 3 or 4 weeks I have been convinced to put together a manuscript of my poetry to try to get it published. I have struggled with the idea for a long time with the usual questions one might ask oneself regarding putting together such a thing: Is my stuff any good? Who would want to publish it? What is the point of it? I mean, do I need other people to read my work? Do I really feel the need to get rejected over and over again and possible never get a bite?

Tough questions when your work is at stake. Of course, I should mention that its not as if I think my work is the greatest stuff ever inked. Heck, friends who I have the uptmost respect for have gently told me as much. The few publication credits I have are all poems I wouldn't choose to publish myself! But the fact is, there is alot of poetry out there I can't stand that has made its mark, so why not me? Critics of my work say it is too sophmoric, too accessable, and not up to the standard of what "real poetry" is. I won't argue. What do I know...I wrote it. But, I will say that my work is purposefully accessable. Maybe I read too much Taoist and Zen poetry in my life to get away from the simple. Truth and simplicity...what more can a poet aspire toward?

Anyway, with that in mind, I remembered my favorite lines of Moliere's "The Misanthrope". Alceste, while criticizing Oronte's horrible sonnet tells him, "Surely you're under no necessity to compose;/Why you would wish to publish, heaven knows./There's no excuse for printing tedious rot/Unless one writes for bread, as you do not./Resist tempatation, then, I beg of you;/Conceal your pastimes from public view." (Act I, Scene II, lines 174-179).

Why dear Alceste? Why indeed!

It's a bird, it's a plane...

It's an old british Police Box!?!?

You knew it couldn't be kept away from us for long, didn't you? The new Doctor Who series that ran its first season over the pond last year is coming to the best night of television: sci-fi fridays. That's right, starting March 19th (check your local listings), the Doctor makes his return to America. And this time there's no playing around. It isn't some cheesy Fox movie that sucked for us Doctor Who fans and for anybody else that watched it. No, this time it is for real, and you don't have to wait until 12:30am on a Sunday night to watch it on PBS. No interuptions from telethoners asking you to support great programing like this. You just get all of season one, in order, each week for three months.

Hopefully Sci-Fi will get season two next year. I have seen the whole of season one and it is fantastic. Of course, I have been a Who fan since I was a kid, but I think even those who have never seen it will get a kick out of it and those who might not have liked it in the past might also check it out.

So Sci-Fi hits the mark again. Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, the ever surprising Battlestar Gallactica and now Doctor Who! What will they think of next!?!?

Back to Front

"All the stories we've been told of kings and days of old, but there's no England now." Never have the words from The Kinks "Living on a Thin Line" been truer for Ray Davies, whose new CD "Other People's Lives" hit the market last week.

The legendary Brit Rocker has done something he rarely does in his work: he's taken it on the road, away from London. Sure, many Kinks songs are about traveling and life on the road, but most of the time the band is lost somewhere over the pond. One of the amazing things about the Kinks has been Ray's ability to touch an american heart with a British tale. I can picture places like Waterloo, Willsden Green, Muswell Hills, Berkely Mews and hundreds of foreign places just like that mentioned in the cannon of Kinks Geography.

"Other People's Lives" is different. It's about not being at home. It's about being in America. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a John Cougar Melloncamp album, but rather it is a look inside the fish tank from a fish who has just gotten the net. Much of the CD appears to have been inspired from the time, pre-hurricane, that Ray spent in New Orleans and his recovery from a gunshot wound he received there. Ray has never been so optimistic as to claim immortality or a long happy existence, and this collection will not dissapoint.

The fact is, Mr. Davies, for more years then my lifetime, has been doing one thing better then anyone else: writing thoughtful, wonderful, fantastic tunes. This CD is no different. He takes us on a journey with him and lets us sit back and enjoy the sometimes bumpy, sometimes joyous, but always worthwhile ride. If you are not a Kinks/Davies fan and claim not to "get it", you still won't, but for those of us who do, it is necter from the rock and roll gods.

"You sing 'em the blues and then they ask for a happy tune
And when you start to smile,
they'll say gimme dat rhythm and blues,
And when you give 'em dat rhythm and blues they'll simply smile and say
We didn't want to hear you play,
we didn't like you any way.
It's very hard to please the people every single time,
But look a little on the sunny side."
("Look a Little on the Sunny Side"...The Kinks)

Fire in the hole!

Okay...you're just not gonna believe this one. I have many things to write about regarding happenings over the last week and a half or so, but this one just could not wait.

I am in Las Cruces, New Mexico right now staying at the cities finiest hotel: the Hilton. Really. It's a nice hotel. I am at a relentlessly tedious conference on assessment and retention (more on that on another day). Anyway, I am down here in my room doing some work and I hear a gurggling noise from within the bathroom. Don't worry Spidey-friends, this is not one of those, guess what's crawling in Dan's bathtub stories.

No...as a matter of fact, I go to check it out and it seems there is some soap suds that have travelled up the drain. Not a whole bunch of suds, but rather a small amount. Hardly noticable. So, not thinking any thing of it, I decide while I am there to use the restroom. Now, without going into great detail, I am a guy and I was standing up, if you get my meaning. I flush the toilet, the water goes down as usual, no problems. Then, as I am washing my hands, I hear the noise again. Interesting, thinks I. Then it happens. All of a sudden, the noise takes on physical manifestation in the form of water shooting straight out of the toilet and into the air! Not only that (and no...the story has no disgusting ending), it's shooting up suds of foamy soap (thank goodness). The tank fills up with suds and overflows like on a sitcom where somebody doesn't know how to use a washing machine. The bathroom is full of suds, but the water finally stops. I call maintenence and they head right over and tell me, "I think there might be something wrong with your toilet, sir". While he is here, he get's a few calls from other people on the floor who are experiencing the same type of problem.

Terrorists?!?

In the time of Chimpanzees I was a monkey.

Ok-dokey friends. It looks like we will not all be quitting our jobs today. I just got back to Scottsdale a little lighter in the wallet (but somehow still heavier in the pants...weird). I'm still wearing my shirt which is good, but I'm feeling like it needs to be washed (if you know what I mean).

Since everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I will not reveal to you the moment by moment recap of the visit, but I will say we had some fun, even though I lost some dough.

Tomorrow it's back to Roswell for me, but for only a day. Wednesday I head on out to Las Cruces for a conference on retention and assessment (doesn't that just sound thrilling?). At least I can't lose any money there!

So until next time my loves, here's wishing you grape juice nights and spaghetti-o days.

A funny thing happened on the way to Scottsdale

Sorry no picture today. I am posting from location and slave to the tech available.

But anyway...Many of you know that I do alot of driving. I drive all over the place. Often, when driving any great distance, you have to expect coming across certain things that are going to hold you up: the unfortunite occurances of rush hour traffic when going through major cities, the occasional 30 car pile up that holds you up for a few hours, a truck full of milk collides with a truck full of chickens...whatever. It's bound to happen to you sooner or later.

This time was a new one on me. I was driving past Alamogordo, New Mexico when I got flagged down and was made to get in a huge line of cars. I had already passed an immigration check point earlier, so I couldn't figure out why I was stopped. I got out and asked the guard that had me park and was told that there was a missle test scheduled and that the highway would be closed for at least another hour. A missle?!?! I guess they don't want anybody driving along Rt. 70 and being struck by any miscellanous debris.

But I thought it was pretty cool. I've never been stopped for a missle before. Of course the worst part was that it held me up so long that by the time I got to Phoenix, I hit rush hour. I had specifically left Roswell at 6:00am so that I would hit no traffic. Best laid plans, eh? So what should of been a 9 1/2 hour drive turned into about 12. Not that big of a deal...and, I got to see a missle explode in the New Mexico sky. Yatzee!

Ka-Ching!

Good Wednesday friends. I don't have a whole lot of time this morning to post much, but I wanted to let y'all know that I will not be able to post for the next few days. No worries though, I'll be back to you next week.

Since I get off for President's Day and I don't have a class to teach until Tuesday evening, I decided this was a good time to take a road trip. So, I called Dr. Danny out in Scottsdale, Arizona and made plans for a visit.

I'll be driving out there tomorrow and then we'll hit Vegas Saturday and Sunday. Then back to Arizona until Tuesday. Wish me luck. If I hit the jackpot for big bucks out there I will share some of my winnings with anyone who responds to this post (except spammers and that kind of thing). See ya all soon. D.W.