Everybody has a price...

Right?

I'm teaching Marlowe's "Faustus" this week and started to really think about what it would be like to sell one's soul. Of course you have to believe that there is such a thing as a soul to begin with or the whole thing is off. That was the good doctor's initial thought though. No such thing as devils and demons, so why not sell your soul. If you don't believe in Hell then you obviously can't end up there.
Now when good old Mephistopheles shows up, you'd think Faustus would change his tune, but of course he does not and our story begins.

If I had a soul (or a brain), would I sell it? And what would be my price? What would you need to get in return for your soul? Think about it. The human body is said to, on average, be worth about 80,000 buckaroos (your skin, about 4 bucks). That's a lot of payola, and that's just for your physical essence. You know, the part that only lasts about 70 some odd years. On the black market, your body would be worth a whole lot more. You could probably get 80,000 easy just for a kidney! But what about your soul; that part of you that is supposed to go for eternity? Eternity is a really long time...plus 1! I mean, you can't even multiply the value by the year; it still comes up infinity! So how do we go about valuing our soul? And is everybody's soul of equal value? Well, I have come up with some suggestions:

1. The concept of value is an interesting thing. Moliere said simply enough, "Things only have the value that we give them." So if you know what you want for your soul, my suggestion is to sell it on e-bay. Put a good starting price on it. It might be worth more than you think. And on e-bay, you are assured that you won't get less then your initial asking price. Though I have to tell you, souls just aren't selling like you'd think over there...unconditional Human Soul...only up to about 75 bucks as of today. Another goof is selling her soul, but with much less success...only 5 bucks so far. Going back to Moliere, I would suggest assigning a much higher value than these palookas did. We all know that people think things are better when they cost more. Don't low-ball your soul for God's sake (or even the devils!)!

2. If e-bay isn't your style, I would suggest leasing your soul for a while. Get your soul out there and see how it does with somebody else for a few years. After that you can decide if you can go on without it for eternity. Worse thing that happens is that you are like 85% of the rest of the world and you go around soulless for a few years.

3. If you absolutely need to sell your soul, try selling it to somebody good first. There is no rule that says you have to sell it to the devil. We all just assume that's what we mean when we contemplate this big step in our lives. Try selling it to somebody you know who has a good heart!

4. If you are more concerned with the quality of life your soul will have, screw the "big heart" garbage and sell your soul to somebody rich. That way, you get the best of both worlds. You can score some great quick cash, and your soul goes to someone with enough money to take good care of it. Just watch out...some of those billionaires out there could be the devil in disguise.

5. Last, don't sell your soul when you are desperate. That's the worst time to get optimal value. People tend to sell their souls when they are in a bind and get almost nothing for it: a couple of bucks to get you through the week, 100 bucks so Billy the Brute don't cut you up on Friday, spare change... Be smart and sell your soul when the market is right and it will be a much more worthwhile endeavor.

Me, I'm having a hard enough time not selling my soul for a bookstore, coffee shop, or good slice of pizza!