Aye, only in Scotland

Ok, it's an unusual topic for a post, but for the last day or so I have been thinking about Scotland. No, I'm not thinking of heading out there anytime soon (though it is on the list), but I ran across an interesting article the other day that keeps popping in my head.

It seems that scientists in Scotland have received a boatload of dinero to fund research on a revolutionary form of space transportation. I know, we all have been waiting on some giant breakthrough in teleportation technology or worm-hole discovery, but alas, no, this aint like that. No, the scientists in Scotland are not looking into the future of technology, but rather a blast from the past (so to speak). They are working on a catapult. That's right, a catapult big and strong enough to send supplies to the moon! I'm shocked the boys at MIT and NASA haven't come up with this one yet, but if I was gonna guess where in the world someone would try to build the Apollo Sligshot (my name not theirs), it would be Scotland.

Now don't get me wrong, I have never been comfortable with the modes of transportation we have for ourselves. I'm not to keen on the fact that we pretty much drive around in, or worse, are flown around in what are pretty much large passenger carrying bombs, but putting me in a giant rubberband and sending me off to work, vacation or godforbid the moon!?!? Don't hold your breath (unless going to the moon...then hold your breath when leaving orbit).

After some serious thought on the space catapult idea, I started wondering about other, more practical, applications for this machine:

1. Banishment: While banishing our criminals/enemies is not as big a thing as it was in previous centuries, the catapult would be a great way to deliver this punishment (pun intended). Of course these things would be aired on the telly for all of us to enjoy. Just think of how great it would have been to turn on CNN and see Saddam get placed in the catapult right in front of his toppled statue in Iraq. They could have had a small child holding her favorite us commissioned Teddy Bear cut the cord and we could have seen the masses of Iraqis cheer and dance for joy. That would have been a sight.

2. Food Delivery: No, not Papa John's or Chinese food silly, but food sent to people in needy countries that we would like to help, but just really don't want to visit. How more humanitarian can you get? We could just load the catapult up, do the math for trajectory and let her rip. The food would fly over land and sea and there would be food for everyone. Never again would we hear arguments against helping these people. No real man-hours, no cost transportation or fuel and the best part would be nobody ever having to say thank you.

3. Military: Now you didn't think I would forget what if anything the catapult would really be used for, did ya? Of course not; if anything, I am a realist. I know they are not going to banish people with the catapult! Nobody would want to clean up the mess! And of course I realize we would never really use it to send food across the world. Where's the profit in that. The real use? The one and only use would be as a weapon. Yes...what the catapult was made for! But with this new super-slinger, just imagine what we could do. How about loading up the thing with thumb tacks and sending them off to Paris? That would stop the demonstrations on the streets. Imagine hundreds of thousands of thumbtacks falling from the sky on to unsuspecting Parisians! Or, we could load it up bombs and mines that would explode on contact. Think about it...we spend billions of dollars a year for this kind of stuff and most of the money is spent on deployment. Now we won't need to.

4. Pizza and cheesesteaks. I kid you not. Pack that pizza up and send it my way. Point that thing towards Roswell, Nm, USA and send me something from Angelos or La Fornos will ya!?!?

Of course there are thousands of other unique applications for a machine of this nature, but I think what I have here is more than enough to show a need.